Monday, 3 October 2011

A good, caring Christian

Dear Agapy, 

It’s been a whole summer since my last letter and I felt the obligation to write and inform you that my vacation was amazing. Actually, I am still on vacation. Right now I am writing you from Hawaii, laid in a sun bed, drinking a pina colada. I know, such a cliché, right?

My parents are probably getting a divorce, so they send me and my brother in Hawaii, while they are sorting things out back in NYC. The truth is, I am really frustrated about this and I am actually kind of sad. Well, it’s not about the divorce, cause honestly I couldn’t care less if they split or not, I just don’t want my dad to move to our loft in the Upper West Side, cause that’s where I was going to move when I graduate high school. Can you believe this? I’m going to stay literally homeless and there is nothing I can do about it. I thought of planning a romantic dinner for them or get them tickets for Rome or have Michael Bubble do a private concert for them. I don’t know if this is going to make them like each other again, probably not, but I surely hope they don’t get a divorce and just separate. I also hope my dad doesn’t move out, but to make sure of it I will blackmail him or something.

As you see, this is my main problem right now. I also had a fight with Sara, found out my boyfriend is a Jew and had to deal with another dog suicide. Firstly, my fight with Sara wasn’t my fault. You remember when I was preparing her Sweet 16 with that cheap Valerie? Well as you should also remember that stupid poor wanted to throw a surprise party for her, like a common person, and I wanted to call MTV and have a huge Sweet 16 party. I tried to take her down and remind her who she was, but Sara stepped in and defended her. Can you believe that? My best friend defending a low-class girl. At the end, Sara found out about the party and decided to keep it low and have a party at her grandparents mansion. After that incident, I don’t talk to her, until she comes to me with a decent apology.

As for my boyfriend, I dumped him a month ago cause I found out he was a Jew. As you see, I had to break up with him and do my duty as a good Christian. Can you imagine me dating a Jew? I never could have thought he was a Jew, thank God father Alfred told me last Sunday.You know his dad is a broker and his mom a record company executive. These Jews, rule the world now, as my dad says. They have taken over everything. Music and film industry, the stock market, fashion industry, they are involved in everything. Well, the truth is, they have to be rich if they want to be acceptable by us. Like the black people, who have to be singers or presidents of the United States.

Remember my dog Queen Victoria, who fell off my balcony? Well tragedy hit my home again, as my new dog, Princes III, committed suicide last Friday. Princess III, was the granddaughter of Paris Hilton, as you surely remember, and was a very happy and joyful dog. I really don’t know what got to her; she was acting normally the day of her death. I can’t think of a reason for a dog that happy, to go and chew an aromatic decorative ball.

Oh, I got emotional now, it still happens to me when I think of her.


Thursday, 14 July 2011

My sweet friend

Dear Agapy,

I don’t know why you didn’t reply me to my last mail; you’re probably very busy studying. You have exams now, right?

I am back with my routine now in NY. It’s kinda boring and common but I am glad I am back with my boyfriend, Sean. Remember when I told you I left him, because he wasn’t into Lady Gaga and Gossip Girl? Well, after months of searching, I realized the only guys that like Lady Gaga, Britney and CW shows are gay or really hard to find. I decided, I can stand my boyfriend until we graduate, and then I’ll ditch him, for a rich, blonde, lacrosse player.

Although I am back with my boyfriend, I am very frustrated because I had a fight with my best friend Valerie. It was definitely her fault. See, it is Sara’s birthday next week, and Valerie wants to throw a surprise party for her. I, on the other hand, want to call MTV and throw a huge “Sweet 16” party for our friend. Valerie says it’s too cheesy, and Sara would hate it, but I think it would be great and Sara will be thrilled. She doesn’t know her like I do. She’s been our friend only because we felt sorry for her, when her dad lost all his shares on the market and had to move from the Upper-East side.  I don’t know why she thinks she has a word here. She is supposed to speak only when she’s allowed to; I don’t know why she has to mingle all the time. Anyways, even though I am deeply irritated by Valerie’s actions, I think I might try to forgive her for Sara’s sake, after threating her first. If she doesn’t stop saying her opinion, I’ll tell everyone she buys clothes from “Macy’s”.

I am now preparing my summer vacations. I know I had a long spring break, but daddy said I can go whenever and wherever I want. I think he’s trying to be nice, because he’s I afraid I might tell mom I saw him in his car with his secretary, late last night. I know they were just talking about business because my dad is a very busy man and he’s working all day, but my mom is stupid and she won’t understand that. It’s not like he was with a whore, it was his secretary. Either way I wouldn’t tell her.

That’s all I have for now, I am so tired to write any more. You see, yesterday I stayed up all night reading Lauren Conrad’s latest book. I am such a huge fan, she is amazing.

I hope I hear back from you this time.