Thursday, 28 April 2011

The truth about Greece

Dear Agapy,

My dear friend! My dearest non-American friend! I am so sorry, I offended you! I didn’t know you were from Greece! I never thought you were from Greece to be frank! I am really ashamed I said those mean things about your country.

Actually, I didn’t know what Greece was, till I Googled it 3 days ago. I always thought that Greece was a country somewhere in east Europe where cleaning ladies, workers and pole dancers came from. Thank God I read everything on Wikipedia and now I am well-informed about your whereabouts and your culture. I know that Greece is a country with great history. I saw movies like “Troy”, “Alexander”, “300” and “Clash of the Titans” and now I know that the ancient Greek men were hot and the women were whores. Now I know that, from ancient years, Greece was a country with great culture and power. I also read that you were slaves to the Turks for 400 years and you got your freedom back after a revolution. I didn’t read that part very well though, because it was kinda boring and the Greek rebels were old and ugly.

I read everything, and got to the present, where you are very poor and in a great need. I heard from my father that you have financial problems. It’s very sad. You know I discussed it with him, and he said he can donate food, clothes and hygiene products for you. He also said we will probably buy an island. Isn’t that great? You would come and visit during the summer. I am so excited. I asked him if he could buy that giant beige building on that high rock, which I saw on a cart-postal. He told me it was not for sale yet, because they are making some reconstructions.

Anyway, about the movie thing, I am not gonna do it after all. I think you’re right, something’s off here. I called the producers the other day to \get more information about the movie and they started asking if my breasts are fake and if I have a better front or a better back. Even though I don’t know why the asked that last one, I know for sure that something’s weird, and I’ve decided not to take part in this movie.

You were also right about Mr. Collins. I didn’t send him the photos he asked, because he asked the same thing from my other friends too. How dare he? I thought I was his favorite student. I’ll never visit him in prison and I will not take any more of his calls.
Anyway, I got tensed now. I have to go blow off some steam by yelling at my servants.


Saturday, 9 April 2011

Great... mind depth


I am sorry I lost touch. The truth is that I haven’t written for so long because I was kind of scared when you threatened me. I was pretty terrified, thinking that this pet organization, PETA, was going to come and take my baby dog away. I had nightmares about it. Even my valerians or yoga couldn’t calm me down.

Thank God, you were joking and nothing bad happened. Well, I am glad that you did, because now I know we are that close, we can pull a prank to each other once in a while. I might write you once, telling you that Sara came to school looking hotter than me, but of course you’ll know right away I’m kidding. I could tell you that I’ll move to Greece, but you wouldn’t believe me either, like I could live in a third world country. LOL.

These weeks were interesting I must say. My mom got me an audition for a TV commercial. I am not sure what it was about, but I know they loved me. Surprisingly, I didn’t get the part, but they said they’ll call me for a part in a movie. The movie is called “Great deeps”, and it’s about some girls who want to play in a TV show and they have to persuade some producers that they are talented enough! Oh gosh, I am gonna be so great if I get the part! I really think I might get an award for it! I don’t understand why they chose this title though. Maybe it’s referring to the great depth of the girls’ talent.

I should also tell you that Mr. Collins is in jail. I want to go and visit him but my parents won’t let me. He called me the other day at 2 o’clock in the morning asking me what I was wearing and if I could send him some pictures of me wearing my bikini, so he could take in prison. How sweet of him. I was really touched he wanted to have my photos to keep him company when he is lonely. I hope he will be feeling better when he looks at them. 

Well I gotta go now. I have to walk my dog to the living room and back. I wish I’ll make it in less than an hour this time!


PS. I am sending you one of the photos I sent Mr. Collins. I am wearing my favorite bikini in this one. In the others I was topless and there was nothing special about the bottoms I was wearing.