Friday, 18 February 2011

She is getting more and more creepy

Dear Agapy

If we keep having this kind of touch, I’m really gonna stop calling you “Dear”.

What do you mean by saying: “Your PE teacher is creepy, probably a pervert”? Is it so wrong for people to like and appreciate me? You see, not everyone thinks I’m stupid, and their opinion matters more if they know me. Mr. Collins (my PE teacher) is a great person and a very good coach. He is not creepy at all; he is just being close and friendly to all of us. He always tells me that I am the best at Gymnastics and how easy I can spread my legs. He sometimes offers to give the girls a massage, just to take off the pressure and he likes taking our dirty clothes home and washing them for us. You see how great he is? Is it wrong that he’s trying to be nice? You people are very malicious with everyone. 

Believe it or not, I am starting to like this. It’s like psychotherapy, only cheaper! I think I’m gonna start writing to you more often and stop visiting my shrink. The only thing that bothers me is that I’ll still be spending too much time, and my dad always says that “time is money”, or something like that. I am gonna keep the money for the appointments though, in order to buy the new Michael Kors bag. Anyways, my dad prefers loosing money than time to me.

You know my dad is a businessman; he has a Computer Company (I think), and he always uses clich├ęs, which I think are right, just cause he says them! He is rich and powerful after all and what he says and does is right. The only thing, he claims, he did wrong, was marrying my mom, which I think is true because they got married at the late ‘80s when my mom had a terrible haircut. Not that now she has a better one.

I keep telling her to dye and cut her hair, but she persists on having it long and blonde, because she thinks her clients like her more as a blonde and that it would ruin her image if she became a brunette. You see my mom has a cosmetics company, a small one, but she thinks it’s the new Avon, so she is occupied with her cosmetics all day. I am so tired of watching my mom torture little animals by testing her products on them. It is so annoying hearing them scream all night.

And the most annoying part of my life in the house is that I hear my little brother complaining about a boy that teases him at school. I can’t even deal with my own problems, and I have to help him too? A month ago, I told him that boys tease girls they like, and one day he went to school and kissed the boy that teased him. Of course he got punched and teased even more.

I don’t know what’s worse. Having a mother who thinks she is the new Mary Kay Ash, or having a brother who thinks he’s a girl?

Hope you don’t send me another bilious e-mail.


Thursday, 17 February 2011

Not stupid!

«Dear Agapy

I just got your message and I found it very annoying, but I thought I should reply, before I block your e-mail address once and for all!

The reason why I’m doing this is because I don’t like people to be ironic and sarcastic with me, especially when they don’t know me!

What do you mean when you say, “You are really stupider than your friend”?

As I pointed out many times in my previous e-mail, my friend is rich and her dad is a lawyer, so she can’t be stupid because of her social status and her DNA. Plus, I’ve known her for 10 years, so I can assure you, that Sara is a very smart person! You know once, in primary school, she calculated by herself, without needing a calculator. Some other time, Sara wrote a word correctly, all by herself, without needing a spelling check.
I really don’t know why I keep apologizing to you, but I have to protect my friend’s reputation. You see Sara and I grew up together. Her apartment in Manhattan is next to mine, and our houses in The Hamptons are on the same block. I know for sure, that she is not stupid, much more a racist, and I will prove it to you. When we were young, and we went out to play, we used to let our maids’ children to come and watch us play in her playground, swim in her pool or play with her dogs. Not only she let them watch us playing, but also sometimes, when she wanted to play “the teacher”, she let them be her students so she can teach these kids some things from her wide knowledge. (Ok, and maybe torture them a little, but that’s what they do at schools too, right?)

As for me, I am definitely not stupid! I’m in the 10th Grade and I always get As in PE ‘cause my coach loves me for having such a healthy body, which is a smart thing to do! I am good in Geography, as I have memorized Manhattan’s map and in Chemistry I got a B, for learning by heart the components of my cosmetics!

I can get on with my Uruguayan housekeeper, with the little Spanish I know, I can walk and feed my dog by myself and I can make tea. You do realize that these are a lot for someone who has numerous people in her domestic staff.

I hope I don’t hear back from you, ever again.


Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Sara and the Mexican

«Dear Agapy,

You probably don’t know me, my name is Olive, I live in New York and I found your e-mail from a friend who befriended you on Facebook about two weeks ago! I wanna tell you how much I dislike you, hate you and loathe you because you are the most stupid individual on the entire world!
You’re probably surprised right now, but you should know that I am right and I have every right to express my hatred for you! 
It all started last week, when I got back from school, logged in on Facebook and saw a comment of yours on Sara’s status, who is our mutual friend, and also my best friend! Sara wrote that she thought she liked Julio, her gardener’s son: 
OMG! Can’t believe I have the hots 4 a Mexican! Especially a poor one! and you commented, “OMG! Can’t believe I befriended a racist rich girl”. 
You see, Julio is a Mexican! Well, not an ugly, filthy, disgusting one, but a hot, dark and tall Mexican, with six-packs, that even I could fall for! 
FYI, Sara is not a racist, Julio is a Mexican, and as her friend, I have to tell you why your comment was inappropriate! You see, a girl from the Upper-East side, can’t like a guy from South America, especially from Mexico, when she doesn’t even know where that is! 
If you want to know why that can’t happen, I can explain it to you, just because you’re from another country, and you probably don’t have Mexicans there.

  1.  Sara, as I mentioned, is from the Upper-East side and her dad is a lawyer.
  2. She already has a boyfriend, he is a Lacrosse player and his name is Ian.
  3. Julio is a Mexican! (As I pointed out many times already)
  4. Sara is white and they won’t color-match.
  5. Julio has the same name as her dog!
Do you still think she is a racist? You see why girls like us can’t be with people like them? Is it so absurd for Sara to be mad at herself for letting something like that ALMOST happen? And FYI she got over him very quickly, after watching a movie with J.Lo, called “Maid in Manhattan”! 
I hope you understood some things about her situation and I hope that next time you’ll be careful when you speak, especially when it’s none of your business!
So don’t be surprised when you notice that Sara has removed you from her friend list, but has not blocked you, cause she has a big heart!

Lots of hate,