Monday, 3 October 2011

A good, caring Christian

Dear Agapy, 

It’s been a whole summer since my last letter and I felt the obligation to write and inform you that my vacation was amazing. Actually, I am still on vacation. Right now I am writing you from Hawaii, laid in a sun bed, drinking a pina colada. I know, such a cliché, right?

My parents are probably getting a divorce, so they send me and my brother in Hawaii, while they are sorting things out back in NYC. The truth is, I am really frustrated about this and I am actually kind of sad. Well, it’s not about the divorce, cause honestly I couldn’t care less if they split or not, I just don’t want my dad to move to our loft in the Upper West Side, cause that’s where I was going to move when I graduate high school. Can you believe this? I’m going to stay literally homeless and there is nothing I can do about it. I thought of planning a romantic dinner for them or get them tickets for Rome or have Michael Bubble do a private concert for them. I don’t know if this is going to make them like each other again, probably not, but I surely hope they don’t get a divorce and just separate. I also hope my dad doesn’t move out, but to make sure of it I will blackmail him or something.

As you see, this is my main problem right now. I also had a fight with Sara, found out my boyfriend is a Jew and had to deal with another dog suicide. Firstly, my fight with Sara wasn’t my fault. You remember when I was preparing her Sweet 16 with that cheap Valerie? Well as you should also remember that stupid poor wanted to throw a surprise party for her, like a common person, and I wanted to call MTV and have a huge Sweet 16 party. I tried to take her down and remind her who she was, but Sara stepped in and defended her. Can you believe that? My best friend defending a low-class girl. At the end, Sara found out about the party and decided to keep it low and have a party at her grandparents mansion. After that incident, I don’t talk to her, until she comes to me with a decent apology.

As for my boyfriend, I dumped him a month ago cause I found out he was a Jew. As you see, I had to break up with him and do my duty as a good Christian. Can you imagine me dating a Jew? I never could have thought he was a Jew, thank God father Alfred told me last Sunday.You know his dad is a broker and his mom a record company executive. These Jews, rule the world now, as my dad says. They have taken over everything. Music and film industry, the stock market, fashion industry, they are involved in everything. Well, the truth is, they have to be rich if they want to be acceptable by us. Like the black people, who have to be singers or presidents of the United States.

Remember my dog Queen Victoria, who fell off my balcony? Well tragedy hit my home again, as my new dog, Princes III, committed suicide last Friday. Princess III, was the granddaughter of Paris Hilton, as you surely remember, and was a very happy and joyful dog. I really don’t know what got to her; she was acting normally the day of her death. I can’t think of a reason for a dog that happy, to go and chew an aromatic decorative ball.

Oh, I got emotional now, it still happens to me when I think of her.


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