She is getting more and more creepy

Dear Agapy

If we keep having this kind of touch, I’m really gonna stop calling you “Dear”.

What do you mean by saying: “Your PE teacher is creepy, probably a pervert”? Is it so wrong for people to like and appreciate me? You see, not everyone thinks I’m stupid, and their opinion matters more if they know me. Mr. Collins (my PE teacher) is a great person and a very good coach. He is not creepy at all; he is just being close and friendly to all of us. He always tells me that I am the best at Gymnastics and how easy I can spread my legs. He sometimes offers to give the girls a massage, just to take off the pressure and he likes taking our dirty clothes home and washing them for us. You see how great he is? Is it wrong that he’s trying to be nice? You people are very malicious with everyone. 

Believe it or not, I am starting to like this. It’s like psychotherapy, only cheaper! I think I’m gonna start writing to you more often and stop visiting my shrink. The only thing that bothers me is that I’ll still be spending too much time, and my dad always says that “time is money”, or something like that. I am gonna keep the money for the appointments though, in order to buy the new Michael Kors bag. Anyways, my dad prefers loosing money than time to me.

You know my dad is a businessman; he has a Computer Company (I think), and he always uses clichés, which I think are right, just cause he says them! He is rich and powerful after all and what he says and does is right. The only thing, he claims, he did wrong, was marrying my mom, which I think is true because they got married at the late ‘80s when my mom had a terrible haircut. Not that now she has a better one.

I keep telling her to dye and cut her hair, but she persists on having it long and blonde, because she thinks her clients like her more as a blonde and that it would ruin her image if she became a brunette. You see my mom has a cosmetics company, a small one, but she thinks it’s the new Avon, so she is occupied with her cosmetics all day. I am so tired of watching my mom torture little animals by testing her products on them. It is so annoying hearing them scream all night.

And the most annoying part of my life in the house is that I hear my little brother complaining about a boy that teases him at school. I can’t even deal with my own problems, and I have to help him too? A month ago, I told him that boys tease girls they like, and one day he went to school and kissed the boy that teased him. Of course he got punched and teased even more.

I don’t know what’s worse. Having a mother who thinks she is the new Mary Kay Ash, or having a brother who thinks he’s a girl?

Hope you don’t send me another bilious e-mail.

Olive.